I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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