is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
