So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
it glows. i had to have it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
