are you still at the devil's house?
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
