eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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