Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
