i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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