god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
