He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Drunk is not a location!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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