census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
