someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
