If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
