Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
