so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
