oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
