I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
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