i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
