Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
