A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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