he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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