Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
