Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
