think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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