i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
