I wanna bring you to show and tell
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
