yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
