Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
