Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
