good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
