first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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