It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
