you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
