Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
