I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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