Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
