Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
