i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
