It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
