I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Welp...herpes.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
ok first of all what the fuck
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
