Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
