and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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