dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You need Xanax blowdarts
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
