Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize