I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
