I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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