he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
