....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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