eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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