that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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