His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
God gave him joint rollers for hands
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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