Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
