you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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