i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize