i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
