before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
