alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
