just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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