I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
