2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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