Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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