he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
