I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
