I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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