college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize