Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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