i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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