ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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