I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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