He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
