He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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