She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
