I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
