wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
