dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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